I'm very bored & been depressed. The boredom is making me angry, frustrated, & depressed. I feel panicky, like my life is fading away. I feel like I have no purpose on this Earth, & people treat me like trash for no reason. People keep deleting me off of their MySpace for no reason, too. My cousin took me off of her friend's list for some unknown reason. My family hates me. Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, even twin sister, cousins, aunt, uncle, nieces, nephews, etc. all hate me because I'm not thuggish. People who "know" me, all try to avoid me & think I'm crazy because of my OCD, anxiety, Tourette's, & severe depression; yet they tell me I shouldn't associate with strangers. I'm not 4 yrs. old. I don't need anyone telling me I shouldn't speak to strangers. I'm 25 with a BA degree in Spanish here in the US. I have to start back from scratch with beginner's Spanish. No one wants to communicate with me, in English or Spanish. People treat me like I have leprosy or some other plague. Just b/c of my neurological disability & anxiety/depression disorders. Yesterday, I told my friend that I may as well tear up & throw away my degree certificate, since so many people tell me that my college degree means nothing, & that I'll be a failure. & than no one will hire me on the job b/c of my Tourette's tics. Well, my friend got REALLY mad @ me & said, "I hope you're not freakin' serious!" I said, "No. I'm not serious. I'm just talking trash. But I do feel useless, hopeless, & worthless, like my life is over." She said, "It's a shame how people make you feel that lowly about yourself! It's not right. They're discriminating. They see your disability is obvious, so they should respect that. I'm always here for you." I just need that constant reassurance that she'll be there for me because I've had moments where people would be nice to me for a good 5 or 6 yrs., & they just all of a sudden turn their nose up @ me & try to avoid me, & I don't know what I did for them to betray me. They give me the silent treatment/cold shoulder. Some of them end up bullying me. My life is very complicated & unusual. & with this 1 friend, I pray EVERY day that she won't turn evil on me, based on other people's dirty opinions about me. My life is SO abnormal that people hardly believe anything that comes out of my mouth. You tell me how normal this is. I'm 25, & 12-yr. olds try to boss me around, tell me what to do, or try to control me & tell me how to live my life. & their parents try to MAKE me do what their child tells me to do. People treat me like I'm too stupid to know left from right. Like I don't know any better. I remember 1 time, I was in college, & I saw a former high school teacher of mine @ WalMart. She SAW me graduate from high school, walking across the stage, receiving my diploma, in the top 10% of my class. 39 out of 410 students. & this lady asked me, publicly in front of everyone in WalMart, if I know how to cook for myself & take care of myself. I'm like, "This is sad!!" I have a college degree, & 1 of the foster sisters (I used to be in foster care) asked me if I know how to cook easy mac in the microwave! Wow! If I can get my degree, drive from Milwaukee, Wisconsin ALL the way back to New Orleans, ... I have nothing else to say. I feel like crying. I'm about to melt down. I'm tired of suffering. I just stay home here in Texas. Employers don't want to hire me. I have only 1 friend, & I'm afraid she might turn against me like everyone else. I feel like I have nobody. I just stay in my apt. all day. I have social anxiety. I can't walk out the door of my apartment without someone telling me something dirty or staring @ me. Every interaction with another human being puts me @ risk for going to jail for disturbing the peace with my TS outbursts, or the mental hospital b/c people bully me, & the cops don't care about my disability. I had 2 strokes @ age 5. Every day I have physical aches & pains. Indigestion & IBS, headaches, dizziness, fatigue, no energy at all. I'm always sick. I'm afraid I might not live long. & with all this stress, I might have a heart attack or another stroke. I'm so scared. Very scared. & no one understands nor cares about me.
Mental Health - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Wow. You need to turn your life over to Christ and see a Christian psychiatrist. I'm serious - This isn't a put down. You may have a brain injury that needs attention. And as far as emotional scars - nothing like the "Great Physician" to heal those. Do what I say and you'll change: Go to a large evangelical church and seek pastoral counseling. Then ask for a referal to a Christian psychiatrist - a larger church may have those resources.
2 :
Wow that is very sad. Have you thought of going to a support group for other people with TS or seeking counseling? You might make some super friends in the support group. You might also find some people with TS on Yahoo Groups or some of the other online forums. This way you'll meet people and you can share experiences, advice, and get support. Could you work from home doing medical transcription or typing? This doesn't require verbal communication. I know it's an isolating disease. I'm very sorry to hear of your problems. I care but I don't know how to help other than listen.
3 :
wow it sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now!if you want you can email me because i have some ideas that can help you:)
4 :
Hello there, its sad what you have written down here and I wish I could give you a hug but am at the other side of the world. I really hope God or someone is watching over you.....God Bless You xxx.
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